1
Hey there's something new with Jesus
I am catholic Jesus
What does that mean?
You can ask me that in Sunday school!
....
What is Sunday school?
2
You shall not wear condoms.
What are condoms?
3
Hey Catholic Jesus
hey Lutheran Jesus
Papist
Apostate
4
Forgive me father for I have sin
three hail Marie's, seven Our Father and one Rosarie...
You used to say "your faith has saved you"
I said: three hail Marie's, seven Our Father and one Rosarie...
5
Shall we pay taxes since they go to the Ceasar?
I don't know let me ask the pope.
6
Father is there a reward to those who are good?
Let me check my Summa Theological
7
Hey catholic Jesus do you want to grab a bite?
Is it time for mass yet?
8
Let's all celebrate my birthday not just one day but an entire season, we shall call it: advent!
Show off
9
What do you think about Francis?
I like him but I don't know if he is "catholic" enough.
10
LJ: and I say to you, only faith can save you.
CJ: Not.
11
The one who is free from sin that throw the first stone.
....
Excellent, now who wants to confess?
12
I am not worthy of being baptized by you...
You are not young enough to be baptized but oh well.
13
Mom, the people in town are saying that you are not a virgin!
Don't believe them son!
....
14
I'm telling you Peter my views on astronomy, biology and political sciences have change over time...
O...K...
15
Forgive me father for I have sin...
Tell me son how many masses have you miss?
It's not that... I... Actually....
three hail Marie's, seven Our Father and one Rosarie...
16
Moooom, the people in town don't want to pray your prayer...
Tell them that...I'm going to save them from hell if they do
Thanks mom you are the best.
Kids these days.
17
Hey Jesus what are you doing?
Speaking with the fishermen.
Don't forget to tell them about the raising fund party next Sunday.
....
18
Hey look at my cross
Look at his
19
In hoc signo Vinces
Thanks catholic Jesus now I can go and kill infidels!
20
This is my body that's going to be sacrificed for your sins...
Ouch don't eat me!
21
Peter do you like my new church?
I thought I was the stone for whom the church was built upon.
Oh... You wouldn't have like that.
22
People are saying you are married with Magdalane,
That's outrageous!
Magdalane bad look.
23
Peter as my new pope I need you to travel to Mexico and wear a sombrero....
O...K....
Peter with sombrero.
24
Peter I build you a pope Mobil.
Thanks?
Do we have gas in this century?
25
I think we could go back to masses in Latin, what do you think Peter?
What?
26
Hey it's Orthodox Jesus, how is it going man?
Kalishemeras
That guy only speaks Greek to me.
27
Let's put figurines depicting my birth under a huge tree in my birthday.
o....k....
28
Ok, if I say your a saint you get to wear a halo and people can pray to you, what do you say Peter?
All right, As long as you lend me the keys you promised...
29
John you were always my favorite...
Then why I don't get to be pope?
John you were always my favorite...
30
Can we be priestest catholic Jesus?
No because I didn't choose women as apostles!
Huh?
31
Can we get married Catholic Jesus?
No!
But Armenian Catholics (?) priests are married!
I said no!
32
can you tell us about The Father?
Sure, open your Cathecism...
33
My husband hits me catholic Jesus, can I get a divorce?
How many times do I have to say it?
34
Catholic Jesus they build a shire on a painting, they say it's a miracle!
Do they give alms?
Yeah... Lots.
Popular devotion!
35
Hey it's evangelical Jesus.
Hallelujah, praise be the loooooord!
No more urbanism in church!
36
Have you heard of the good word?
Sure, Mormon Jesus come in, care for some coffee?
37
Look at all my works of art Lutheran Jesus.
This is blasphemous.
No, it's a Raphael.
38
My name is Francis of Assisi I come to restore the church.
Finally! An Italian contractor, could be worse... We have some leaks over here.
39
You shouldn't sell indulgences Catholic Jesus.
You are right, we should move to leasing, 2 year contracts.
40
You shouldn't be reading that! I shall put it in the index.
But is a gospel! Written by Judah!
It ain't an authorized biography, goes to the index!
41
The meaning of marriage is procreation!
Can we procreate outside marriage?
Really?
42
Sexuality is destined to procreation.
You mean like animals?
Yeah like anim.... No!
43
Let's celebrate my resurrection by hiding colored eggs.
o...k....
44
It's Christmas Catholic Jesus! Don't you have to give gifts to all the kids in the world?
Oh I don't do that, that's Baby Jesus job.
45
Catholic Jesus would you help us giving food to the poor?
Just a moment, I'm finishing my encyclical on giving food to the poor.
46
And this is my new home...
I thought you lived in Nazareth
I needed my own country.
47
Don't you think we need a Bank?
Sure.
And a postal service.
O...K...
Do you want a passport?
I don't what are all these things are.
48
Look Peter we have a flag!
Like the roman banner?
Yes like the rom... No! This is holy.
o...k...
49
Did you see my donkey?
It's outside
You are always right Peter!
But I'm not!
Do you realize what have you just did?
50
Ok Peter you are always right when you are on the chair. Get it?
What about before you made up this rule, was I right?
Peter, why don't you want to be right? Don't you want to wear a sombrero in Mexico?
...
51
It's Ash Wednesday! Where is your ash?
Pick it from the floor.
Good.
52
You shouldn't eat meat in Lent!
But There's only fish in Galilee catholic Jesus.
I just wanted to make sure!
53
Hey! Look everybody is Jew Jesus!
You mean: Jesus?
...
Look everybody is Jew Jesus!
54
Catholic Jesus, this is my good friend Buddhist Jesus.
I don't even...
